Almost a month ago, I was in a potentially life changing “meeting”. Without going into the details, I felt it ended really well. Actually, no, scratch that. I KNOW it ended really, really, REALLY well. With everything that happened in the discussion mind-blowingly beyond my expectations, I left the meeting room ecstatic, giddy and on the top of the world. Ask Kite and a couple of friends I texted how on a high I was during that afternoon and they would probably tell you it was bordering on being OA, and I wouldn’t even disagree.
The commute home was uneventful. That is, until I caught me telling myself to not be too elated about what just happened. The exact words were “Kalma lang. Baka maunsyami.” (Calm down. You might jinx it.) On a normal day, I would’ve left it at that, but on that instance I was taken aback by my own remark. So much so that an internal debate ensued:
“Why do I need to calm down? I’m really happy! What’s wrong with that?”
“You can’t be too happy. You know what happens after that, right?”
“What? A chance that the potential next steps wouldn’t go as planned? Or a sudden disappointing event that’s totally unrelated to this one? So?”
“‘So’? What do you mean ‘So’? I don’t want to be in an epic state of sadness after this!”
“But what does that have to do with your current state of happiness?”
Then it dawned on me. Sometimes, I don’t allow myself to be happy. Or to be more specific, at least not long enough.
Do you let the negative vibes drown the positive ones?
Photo credit: Bret Contreras
***
Think about it. How many times have you caught yourself in a similar spot where you put your pleasant emotions at bay because of the possibility of something bad happening soon after? Regardless of the cause, were you able to enjoy the joy or did you miss the opportunity to do so? Isn’t it interesting how we constantly seek happiness, but when that time comes that merits the said emotion, we hold back and deprive ourselves of truly relishing the moment? Equally curious is how much easier it seems for us to let ourselves wallow in sadness more. Doesn’t it make more sense to consciously stay in a state of happiness for a longer amount of time?
***
I went home that night with the victorious, positive me defeating my pessimistic, overly cautious side. The commute was terrible, heavy rush-hour traffic, hunger and all, but I got home with a smile and a resolve to let myself celebrate a good moment without the fear of the unknown future hindering it. As I closed my eyes to sleep, I knew I was genuinely happy. At that moment, I knew I had a reason to be.
Filed under: Life Tagged: Happiness, Life, Positivity
